


Necessary Evil

by 5-5-k (Vsquaredk)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Evil Lena Luthor, F/F, Gen, Good Person Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs Therapy, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Mentions of Alex/Kelly, Pre-Relationship, Reformed Lena Luthor, Sad Lena Luthor, Therapy, somewhat canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21991540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vsquaredk/pseuds/5-5-k
Summary: Lena is in the midst of a DEO-issued villain rehabilitation program, because Kara knows she isgoodand made sure Lena had the chance to reform herself.Lena doesn't want to be there, but Kara will go to great lengths to help her best friend see just how good she knows Lena can be.Kara's POV
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 28
Kudos: 63





	Necessary Evil

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on canon. Pre-relationship. Angsty. First chapter was written due to the fact that I can't afford therapy, and my therapist is moving to Japan. Based on true(-ish) events.

“I just…”

Lena sighs and looks out the barred window as she curls inward on herself. Kara sits quietly in the uncomfortable sofa beside her, just far enough that they can’t touch unless Kara reaches awkwardly. The fingers on her left hand twitch slightly before she manoeuvres them under her thigh. There’s a long silence after that.

“You just…?”

Kelly breaks the silence from her place across from them, clipboard and pen in hand, eyes piercing Lena’s as Lena turns her eyes to look at her. Her tone is measured, practiced, and has the slight lift of curiosity at the end that is meant to lead Lena to continue. Kara is amazed by how her sister’s girlfriend has the ability to hold herself in a way that is both open to what is being said and distantly professional at the same time.

Lena just closes her eyes, and from the way her shoulders tense, Kara can tell she’s steeling herself, readying herself for a fight. It breaks her heart, and if Lena had been looking at her at that moment, she knows her heartbreak would be written all over her face. She had to get that under control

“I’m in here, doing the work, but my mind’s not in it, I guess. And it sucks, to be doing the work, going through the motions of reformation when I don’t even want to do it.”

Kara knows this already; Lena had said as such, several weeks ago, when she had a moment of openness with the superhero. Kara remembered, because that had been one of the first times Lena had been willing to talk to her since falling into DEO custody. Even in her bland, shapeless DEO-issued clothing, with her hair piled messily on the top of her head and her face devoid of makeup, Lena had been the most stunning woman Kara had ever seen.

Kelly nods, and there was a moment where the sound of her pen scratching across her clipboard was the only audible thing in the room. When the pen stops, Kelly looks up and puts on a half-smile. “But you’re doing the work and the team says that you’re making great progress.” Lena nods, lips pursed, as she brings her knees to her chest and hugs them tight.

_ Self soothing _ , Kara remembers suddenly. That’s what Lena’s care team had called Lena’s propensity for playing with her fingers, or holding herself, the first time they had met up together. Kara’s fingers twitch violently under her thighs with the desire to reach across and hold Lena’s hand, to intertwine their fingers. The sofa’s cushions barely conceal the slight groan from the force of it. Kelly and Lena both ignore the sound, as well as Kara’s red face as she slips her fingers out from under her legs to clasp them tightly on her lap instead.

“I know.” The words are shaky and quiet, and Lena drops her gaze, unseeingly, at a point on the floor near Kelly’s feet. “It just feels like my motivation isn’t right.”

“Would you like to explain to us what you mean by that?”

Lena exhales at Kelly’s question, asked without malice in that way only therapists know how to, and somehow curls even further into herself. Kara doesn’t have to look down to know that her own knuckles are probably white with how hard she’s gripping them. “I told Kara about this already, that I’m not interested in this whole thing and I didn’t see a point to it all.” Kelly nods at Lena’s wavering, hushed words as Kara sits up straighter in her chair. Lena didn’t looked over at her when she mentioned her name, but Lena’s head almost jerks in her direction. “I… I’d almost hurt all those people; I’m obviously evil.” Lena’s voice is thick with emotion, and she hiccups in an attempt to hold back tears. “She wouldn’t believe me, kept telling me that she knew I was- am good.”

Kara’s exact words had been, “ _ You might not believe that you’re good, but you don’t have to, yet. It’s still early! I know you’re good. I can believe it hard enough for you; I already do. Can you just try, for me? Do it for me, for now, until you can do it for yourself. _ ” Lena had barely nodded, eyes downcast that day in a windowless concrete cell. The single flickering fluorescent light overhead had made Lena look even paler than usual, and all Kara wanted was her best friend back. The next day, Lena had thrown herself into the program she had essentially been refusing to take part in prior, and Kara had let out a sigh of relief.

In the office, Kelly’s eyes flick over to Kara’s before going back to Lena. “It’s very good to acknowledge ambivalence in the process, so thank you for telling me.” Lena looks at Kelly, who smiles comfortingly at her. “I know that seems counterintuitive to say that, but now that I know about it, we can work on it together.” There’s a slight nod from Lena, but she doesn’t unfold. “There’s more, though, isn’t there?” Another minute nod. “Will you share it with us?”

A self-deprecating attempt at a smile slithers across Lena’s face, before she turns and makes eye contact with Kara for the first time that session. That week, even. Kara’s pulse thunders in her ears and it takes so much focus to be able to hear Lena’s next whispered words.

“I...I’m doing all this work because Kara says she believed… believes in me, and I really, really want to make Kara proud, but…” Kara smiles at her, which only serves to make Lena’s eyes glassy with unshed tears. Neither drops their gaze. “But I’m starting to resent her for making me do the work, even though I know she’s not forcing me to do anything.”

It’s like a kryptonite blade to Kara’s heart, but she does everything she can to keep her face kind and open.

“Kara, how does it make you feel to hear that?”

At Kelly’s gentle query, Kara breaks her connection with Lena’s intense, sad, open gaze to look into Kelly’s eyes. She shrugs as if she saw it coming, and keeps her tone light. “I mean, I told her she could do it for me if she needed to, until she felt more comfortable about doing it for herself.”

“But how does it feel?”

How  _ does _ it feel to know that Lena resented her?

Like her heart had been cloven in two. Like she couldn’t breathe. Like she was standing beside a chunk of green kryptonite the size of a truck, but unable to leave. Like everything in the world was suddenly pointless. Like food would turn to ash in her mouth.

Kara focuses on Lena’s erratic heartbeat to ground herself, hones in on how it was faster than normal, how anxious Lena is about her answer. She can’t hurt Lena like that, not so soon in the process. “It hurts, to be honest, but I  _ did _ ask for it.” Kara puts a monumental amount of effort into making her words seem nonchalant, refusing to break Kelly’s eye contact. “It’s a necessary evil. It'll pass, I'm sure, once she is more comfortable with believing in herself the way I believe in her.”

Kelly’s smile is empathetic and understanding as she looks at Kara, before facing Lena again. Lena refuses to turn her ardent gaze from Kara’s profile, and the intensity of it tickles at Kara’s awareness. “External motivators only go so far, Lena.” Kara turns to look over at Lena to catch her nodding in agreement. “But they can work, for a while, until we can get the internal motivation to do the work.” Kara hopes the smile she sends at Lena is as warm as she intends it to be. Lena’s eyes are wide, seemingly shocked that Kara does not seem fazed by her resentment. Kara’s insides are twisted up into knots, but she doesn’t let it show.

Kelly continues to talk about next steps in Lena’s villain rehabilitation, and it’s only when Lena turns away to continue their discussion that Kara is able to silently exhale. She can do this.

She just has to get through the rest of this session.

Once the session's over, Kara is going to fly up to the upper stratosphere. She needs to wail and sob and cry somewhere no one can hear her. She needs to air her heartbreak somewhere no one, least of all Lena, can see.

Lena resenting her is a necessary evil in the process. They all know that, but that doesn’t mean Kara is unfazed by it.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, Comments, Asks, etc, always welcome!
> 
> If you want more or you want to yell at me, feel free to comment, kudos, send me an ask on tumblr (same username) or hit me up on Twitter (@v2k1k1; feel free to request!)


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